Quiz Humor
Nursery Rhymes:
Little Miss Muffit
Little Bo Peep

Songs:
It's Gonna Be Quizzing Soon
The Twelve Quizzers of Crown
My Captain and My Coach
Many Are Quizzing Against Me
History of Crown College Tournament
Sixteen Going on Seventeen
Be Thou My Memory

Letters:
Chicago 2002- Written by Sarah- Quiz material: 1 Corinthians
World 2002- Written by Amy- Quiz material: 1&2 Corinthians
World 2003- Written by Amy, Elizabeth, Evelyn- Quiz material: John
World 2004- Written by Dave to the Iowa team- Quiz material: Hebrews and 1&2 Peter
World 2004- Written by the Iowa team to Dave- Quiz material: Hebrews and 1&2 Peter


An old quizzing comic from 1985. Special thanks to the artist, Mr. Mally!


Little Miss Muffit
Written by Mr. Karl Kirkman

Little Miss Muffit
Thought she could bluff it
On a question she didn't quite know.
She thought with some luck
She wouldn't get stuck
But found out it just wasn't so.


Little Bo Peep
Written by Mr. Karl Kirkman

Little Bo Peep
Jumped early to keep
The points her team had achieved.
And to her delight
She answered it right
But her coach was the one most relieved!


It's Gonna Be Quizzing Soon! To the tune of "It's Gonna be Dinner Soon" Written January 2003 for the Crown College Tournament, St. Bonifacious, MN Special thanks to Mr. Wheeler for introducing us to the original song. I'll never forget it!
Chorus: It's gonna be quizzing soon, It's gonna be quizzing soon, I've been studyin' my way through John, It's gonna be quizzing soon. From Cedar Rapids to Saint Bonnie, It's gonna be quizzing soon, I'm holding on to my quiz book too, It's gonna be quizzing soon! Take a seat, get ready to jump, Look at the quizmaster and read his lips, Watch out though or your teammates will beat cha, And you'll be left just sittin' on the bench! Grab your quiz book, drop that novel, Study hard - make it worth your while! But don't forget your team's great strategy, Or to jump when something is key! (Chorus) When the finals come I'll be there! It's gonna be quizzing soon, I'm holding on to my quiz book too, It's gonna be quizzing soon! Quoteathons in the car, Are just a part of comin' to Crown. The rules may be different, but they're easy to learn - Did you know that fouls mean you have ta sit out? Reference questions and finish these Can make your scoring look melancholy! But lotsa key words, blue sheets, and good contests Just make me jump even more! (Chorus) Even quizzers retired for now, Are wishing they were quizzing soon, I'm so glad that I still am young! It's gonna be quizzing soon!


The Twelve Quizzers of Crown To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" Written by Mrs. Talmage for the January 2003 Crown College Tournament
12 people trav'ling 11 are 'adults' 10 suitcases 9 meal tickets 8 in the beds 7 quizzers quizzing 6 girls a giggling 5 gold rings (pa-dum pum pum) 4 sleeping bags 3 hymn books 2 radios and a partridge in a pear tree...


My Captain and My Coach To the tune of "My Savior and My God" Written by Evelyn for the January 2003 Crown College Tournament
My light, my speed I give to thee, Thou helping hand who pushed me. Oh may I ever faster be, My captain and my coach. I'll jump with Amy pushing me; How greater then my score will be (If I find time to study), My captain and my coach.


Many Are Quizzing Against Me To the tune of "Many Are Rising Against Me" based on Psalm 3 Written by Evelyn and Grace for the January 2003 Crown College Tournament
O Lord, how many are my foes, Many are quizzing against me. Many are saying of me, "There is no hope for finals now." We pray for wisdom and jump, Wondering what question will be next. We cry out loud to the quizmaster And he says those blessed words "you are correct".


History of Crown College Tournament 2003 From Iowa's B League Team's Perspective To the tune of "Maggalena Haggalena" Written by Evelyn, Grace, Lena, and Edward after the January 2003 Crown College Tournament
Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. We went to quiz and we could not wait; We all did well and it turned out great. Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. We came to Crown for the Bible quiz; The fun was ours and the credit was His. Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. We had six quizzes in preliminary round; Five were great and the other was down. Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. In the cafeteria we ate and ate; We all thought eating was our very best trait. Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. Everybody jumped and we were not late; We made the finals since we won two straight. Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name. We went to the finals with our greatest fears -- We won, we won, we could not believe our ears! Lena-Tina, Eddy-Freddy, Gracie-Macy, Evy-Bevy, Iowiowia was our name.


Sixteen Going on Seventeen To the tune from "The Sound of Music" by Grace, Lena, Evelyn, Elizabeth, and Amy during Crown 2004
Question sixteen, going on seventeen, Error points in effect. Our score has shown us We need a bonus; Who ought to answer next? I have three jumps, going on perfect, I want to get one more. Next one's a reference, That's not my preference. My legs are getting sore. Question seventeen going on eighteen There is no need to grieve, Quizmasters might just Tell me I'm right And willingly I believe Totally unprepared are we To face a specialty; Next one will be a memory, I'll wait a question or two. Question twenty, tied at ninety, My throat has got a lump. First place is crucial, Though third is our usual; We need to get this jump. Berrien's ready Detroit steady What are we doing here? Hebrews we've quoted Our minds are loaded But suddenly I've drawn a blank. We are shaking, coach is quaking, I've almost fainted twice Cramming all night Not eating a bite Quizmaster please be nice. We are scared but we're prepared Quizzing, here we come!


Be Thou My Memory To the tune of "Be Thou My Vision" by Evelyn during Crown 2004
Be Thou my mem'ry, my studying bless, Be Thou my speed, lift me out of my seat, Thou my humility, win or defeat; Vict'ry is ours with Thy Word in our hearts. Be Thou my resting place sleepless nights through, Be Thou our strategy, trusting in You, Strength to persevere through the quizzes ahead, Hearts that are focused on what Your Word said.


Quiz letter read at Chicago, March 2002

Dear Perfectly United,

Because of the present crisis, I think it is good to send you an e-mail. I would like you to be free from concern, but since that is not possible under your present circumstances, I appeal to you quizzers, that you listen closely to what I have to say.

I sincerely hope that things are going well with you. Yea, in all your speaking and in all your knowledge, be careful that you do not error. Remember that the testimony of us Iowa quizzers is confirmed in you. Therefore do not lack any key words or information as you eagerly wait for the final outcomes to be revealed. He will keep you awake to the end so that you will be alert even to the twentieth question.

Quizzers, I can not address you as victors but as imitators of me - mere crammers at night. Indeed you are still not ready! You are still studying. For since there is quoting and reviewing among you, are you not studying? Are you not acting like unprepared quizzers? I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you as my dear friends, so that the weak teams, against whom you compete, may be destroyed by your knowledge.

For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, quizzers, that pressure and buzzers often destroy the wisdom of the wise. Quizmasters demand miraculous answers and opposing teams watch for errors, as it is written, "He catches the wise in their craftiness." But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgement. I speak to sensible people, judge for yourselves what I say. Why should your victory be judged by another coach?

I appeal to you quizzers, in the name of WBQA, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. There should be no divisions in the team; each member should have equal concern for each other. If one person errors, everyone suffers with them; if one person is honored, every one rejoices with them. On the other hand, if any of you has a dispute with another team, take it before the quizmasters for judgment. Are they not competent to judge trivial cases? The very fact that you have contests among you means you have not been completely defeated already.

Now quizzers, let me apply some things to myself for your benefit so that you may learn the meaning of the saying, "DO NOT QUOTE BEYOND WHAT IS WRITTEN." Do not give incorrect information. Do not answer out of Luke. Do not go outside of the verse on reference questions. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may quiz in a right way with an unbroken record of success.

Since, then, we know what it is to win quizzes, we try to persuade quizmasters. If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of victory. What shall we say then, quizzers? Anyone who quotes too fast does not speak to the quizmaster. Indeed, no one understands him, he utters mysteries. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air. For who among men knows the thoughts of a quizzer except his own spirit within him? In the same way, NO ONE knows the thoughts of a quizmaster. It is actually reported that some quizzers quote at such phenomenal speeds that none of the quizmasters of this age could understand him. For if they could, they would not have called the answer an error.

Do you not know that in a quiz, many compete but only one gets the prize? Quiz in such a way as to get the prize. So if you think that you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall. Therefore watch out, for it seems to me that your team may be on display at the end of the tournament, like quizzers condemned to die in the finals. You may be a spectacle to the whole college.

But do not be discouraged. Already you have won tournaments! Already you have won trophies. You have become champions - and that without me! Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the finals come. They will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and expose the outcome of team's strategies. At that time each will receive their reward.

All the quizzers here send greetings.
I, Sarah, write this greeting in my own font. My love to you all.

A Retired Quizzer,
Sarah Mally

P.S. Knowledge puffs up.

P.P.S. When I was a quizzer, I talked like a quizzer, I thought like a quizzer, I reasoned like a quizzer, but when I turned twenty, I put all that pressure behind me.


Quiz letter read at World, June 2002

Dear Sarah Mally,

Because of the present crisis, we think it is good to send you a reply to the email you wrote while we were at the Chicago tournament. We do not want you to be uninformed, friend, about the hardships we suffered on the campus of Trinity University. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that some of us despaired even of jumping! Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of errors. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on our quiz books, which refresh the memory. Out of the most severe cramming, our overflowing brains and our tired lips welled up into nervous quizzers. We write you now out of great distress and anguish of heart, not to make you nervous, but to remind you of the way of life as a quizzer.

But we will stay on at World until the end of the finals, because a great door for effective quizzing has opened to us, and there are many who oppose us. But we have these scores in pencil and paper to show that the scores are from the quizmasters and not from us. We are hard pressed in every quiz, but not crushed; perplexed, but not always wrong; contested, but not stood up for; errored out, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our pockets our quiz books.

Therefore we do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed verse by verse. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal leg ache that far outweighs them all. But we fix our eyes not on the scoreboard, but in our quiz books. For the scores are temporary, but our memories are even more temporary.

When Dave comes we will see to it that he has nothing to fear while he is with us, for he is trying to win this tournament just as we are. No one then should contest him!

It is truthfully reported that my own sister Elizabeth quotes at such tremendous speeds that she is often perceived as speaking into the air. When, then, the quizmaster does not grasp the meaning of what she is saying, she is a foreigner to the quizmaster, and she is a foreigner also to me. Her words are foolishness to us, and no one can understand them, because they are indiscernible. "For who has known the mind of Elizabeth that he may comprehend her?"

Now about the reader of this letter. I repeat: let no one take me for a fool! What anyone else dares to boast about - I am speaking as a fool - I also dare to boast about. Are they quizzers? So am I. Are they contestors? So am I. Are they erroring? I am more. I have crammed much harder than ever before, been quoting more frequently, been jumping more quickly. Yet, 5 times I received from the quizmasters 4 errors minus 1 (also known as an error out). 30 times I was beaten to the jump by my sister. Once I quizzed out. 3 times I was fouled. I've spent 2 days in this uncomfortable seat trying to persuade quizmasters! I have known hard work, sleepless nights, and hunger. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep. I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it by forcing me to jump too early!

I hope that the quizmasters will put up with a little of my confusion, but they are already doing that. For if someone comes and quotes a verse other than the verse the quizmaster wanted, or if you heard a different reference other than the one you received, or a different key word from the one you expected, the quizmasters and coaches do not put up with it easily enough. But I do not think I am in the least inferior to those "super quizzers". I may not be a trained contester, but I do have knowledge of the material. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us so that you can answer those who take pride in Berrien.

Now, it is required that those who jump first, must answer correctly. We care very little if we are judged by captains or even coaches. Indeed, we do not even judge ourselves. Our strategies are clear, but that does not make us victors. It is the quizmasters who judge us. Therefore, do not panic or get excited before the appointed time, wait for the quizmaster's call. However, if a revelation comes to someone who is sitting down, the first speaker is not allowed to stop!

The quizzers in the city of Winona Lake, send you greetings, and so do my teammates.
I, Amy, write this greeting in my own study time.
The peace of being a retired quizzer be with you.
My love to you in Christ Jesus.

A non-retired quizzer,
Amy Cook

P.S. We will not all sleep.

P.P.S. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...


Quiz letter read at World, June 2003

Dear Fellow World Quizzers,

In the beginning of the quiz year was memorizing, and our memorizing was with our quiz books, and our memorizing was John. Our quiz books were intact in the beginning. Through studying all our scores were made; without studying nothing was scored that has been scored. There came a team which was sent from Iowa; their name was Greater Things. But some said, "Can anything good come from Iowa?" I tell you the truth, you shall seen greater things than this.

During one quiz our coach told us, "You are going to have the lead just a little while longer. Jump while you have the lead, before Detroit overtakes you. In this quiz you will have trouble, but take heart! We might overcome World." For she already had in mind who was going to win the quiz. For the fact is we have had 5 error outs, and the one we had just had was not our last. Then we began to argue sharply among ourselves, "Which of us will get this free question?"

While I am trying to jump, someone else jumps up ahead of me. My teammates questioned me saying, "How come you haven't been jumping?" For even my own teammates did not believe in me. Therefore I told them, "The right time for me has not yet come." For them any time to jump is right, but I prefer to jump in my own time. Then, on the last and greatest day of the Finals I can stand and say in a loud voice, "My teammates are always jumping even to this very day, and I too am jumping."

Many quizzers have asked us, "Is this your teammate Dave? Is this the one you say is in college? How is it that he can still quiz?" To this we replied, "We know he is our teammate, and we know he is in college. But how he can still study, or what he'll do after he retires, we don't know. Ask him; he is of age. He will speak for himself."

At the motel this morning, my sister and I said, "Our friend Evelyn has fallen asleep, but we are going to wake her up." Finally, we went back to our coach and the others who asked us, "Why didn't you bring her in?" We declared, "No one ever slept the way this girl does!"

When Elizabeth jumped on a finish this verse question, she was hurt because the quizmaster asked her a third time "Can you give it to me again?" She said, "I have told you already and you did not accept it. Why do you want to hear it again?"

Everyone seems to think that I and my sister are one, but I tell you the truth, before Amy was born, I was. Yet to her delight, she who comes after me, has surpassed me because she jumped before me. You have sent to my sister, and she has testified to the truth. Not that I always accept her testimony, but I mention it anyway. If you have seen me, you have seen my sister also.

The words I have spoken to you are thought perfect but there are some of you who do not believe me. However, Dave is the good captain who lays down his reputation for his teammates by defending our strange answers. For I am the voice of one quoting in desperation. But do not think Dave alone will accuse you before the quizmasters. Your accusers are also the other team captains, on whom your hopes of being correct are dangerously set. For they say, "Here you are appearing as your own witness, your contest is not valid."

I am going home, but I say these things while I am still at World. My prayer is not that we are taken out of World, but that you fellow quizzers protect my teammates from Berrien. Even though our name is Cook, they are not of Berrien, even as I am not of it.

Though we have been speaking as quizzers, a time is coming when we will no longer speak as quizzers, but will speak plainly.

Our coach said to us, "Fill your minds with John," so we filled them to the brim. Then she said, "Now draw some out and give it to the quizmaster." I did so, but the quizmaster did not realize where I was coming from. Then he drew the scorekeeper aside. Finally they said, "Do you have a reference?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing me. But I said, "Why question me? Ask the other captains who heard me. Surely they know what I said. Stop doubting and believe!" At this some wanted to seize me, but no one laid a hand on me. Then they remembered that I had said "Zeal for the finals will consume me."

We have done many other things that are not written in this letter. If they were, I suppose even quizzers at World would not have time for the books that would be written.

Your fellow quizzers,
Elizabeth and Amy Cook

P.S. I tell you the truth, a time is coming and has now come, when all who are in their seats will hear the question and jump - those who have jumped wisely will rise to quiz out, and those who have jumped wildly will rise to error out. Come now, let us quiz.


Quiz letter read at World, June 2004
Written to the Iowa team by Dave

Dave Gaebler, a retired quizzer,

To Iowa Obsolete and Aging, strangers at World, and scattered throughout the quiz rooms of Mike Miller, Chris Frey, James Benson, Gary Goetz, Andy Dalrymple, and John Isett,

Quiz-outs and victories be yours in abundance.

If there had been nothing wrong with our finish last year, no place would have been sought for another. But the coach said, "This is the covenant I will make with the team of Iowa after that time: I will put Hebrews in their minds and write Peter on their hearts. No longer will a quizzer teach his neighbor, or a teammate her sister, saying 'Know the material,' because they will all know it, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their errors, and will remember their fouls no more."

To the captains among you I appeal as a former captain: Be shepherds of the team that is under your care, serving as defenders, not because you must, but because you are willing, as your coach wants you to be. Every captain is selected from among his teammates and is appointed to represent them in matters related to the quizmaster-to offer contests and rebuttals. He is able to deal gently with those whose answers are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness. That is why he has to offer defenses for his own answers, as well as for the answers of his team. No one takes this stress upon himself; he must be called by his coach, just as the co-captain is.

Therefore prepare your minds for action; be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can answer correctly. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reference for your teammate's quote. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear pronunciation, so that those who speak against your answers may be ashamed. You call on a quizmaster who judges each man's work impartially. But once he says, "The quizmaster has ruled and will not change his mind," if you continue to argue, you will be rejected. You will bring about no change of mind, though you seek it with tears.

Now there have been many captains, since age prevented them from continuing in office. For once one turns twenty, it is declared: "You are retired forever, in the order of Sarah Mally."

Be on your guard. Your adversary Berrien prowls around like a roaring lion looking for teams to devour. Resist them, standing firm in the standings, because you know that your fellow quizzers throughout the tournament are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Therefore strengthen your feeble necks and weak knees. Make level pads for your seat. For in just a very little while, he who is jumping will jump and will not delay. Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange quoting. It is good for our score to be strengthened by bonuses, not by wrong answers, which are of no value to those who give them.

Even though I speak like this, dear friends, I am confident of better things in your case-things that accompany the finals. The preliminaries are only a shadow of the finals that are coming, not the realities themselves. For this reason they can never, by the same questions repeated endlessly day after day, make champions of those who draw near to quiz. We have come to quiz in the finals if we hold firmly till the end the winning streak we had at first. Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by errors and fall from your secure position. Be all the more eager to make your trophies and ribbons sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the awards ceremony.

Brothers, I urge you to bear with my word of exhortation, for I have written you only a short letter.

Greet all your coaches and all the quizzers. Those from Iowa send you their greetings. Grace be with you all.

P.S. All quizzers are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. Their scores wither and their standings fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.


Quiz letter read at World, June 2004
Written by the Iowa team in response to Dave

Dear Dave,

This is now our first letter to you. We have written it as a reminder to stimulate you to quizzing thinking. In the past the quizmasters spoke to us at many times and in various quizzes, but in these last days they have spoken to us in Hebrews and 1&2 Peter, which they appointed material of all quizzes, and through which they made the questions. So we will make every effort to see that after your departure you will always be able to know the happenings of World 2004.

By faith, our dad, when called to drive us to Cedarville, a place we would later quiz at, agreed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in Ohio, like a stranger in a foreign state. He lived in motels, as did Elizabeth and Amy, Evelyn and Edward, who were heirs with him of the same quizzing stress.

A tournament was set up. In it's first room were the scoreboard, the table, and the quizzers' seats. This table contained the quiz box, quiz Bible, and the question packets. Behind the table were the quizmaster and scorekeeper.

Our coach said, "See I lay a team in World, a chosen and precious team, and the one who calls them correct will never be put to shame." She also says, "Today if you get a free question, do not answer questionably as was done in the round robins during the time of quizzing in James Benson's room, where Detroit and Iowa contested, and for fifteen minutes saw him deliberate!" And again, "Do not forget to say something, for by so doing some people have answered correctly without knowing it."

Quizzers that drink in the material often studying on it and that produce correct answers useful to their team receive the blessing of the quizmaster. But if we deliberately keep on jumping too fast after we have received knowledge of the other team's speed, no excuse for errors is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of a raging coach.

Mike Miller was quizmaster of room number one. He meets teams returning from defeat by other teams and quizzes them, and the quizzers give him an answer for everything. Without prejudice or bias, without beginning of days or end of quizzes, like all the other officials he remains a quizmaster forever. Just think how great he is!

Who were they who quizzed and dominated? Was it not all those Detroit out on Obsolete and Aging? Yet at present we do not see every team completely subject to them. But we see Berrien Without Excuse, although they are stronger and more powerful than we, do not bring shaky appeals against such teams in the presence of the quizmasters. They will be paid back for the harm they have done. Their idea of pleasure is to cream the rest of us in broad daylight!

Day after day every quizmaster sits and performs his quizzing duties. Again and again he offers the same questions, and day after day every quizzer jumps and performs their quizzing duties. Again and again they offer the same answers. But we have come to World, to the ultimate tournament. We have come to team upon team in joyful assembly. Therefore since we are attending a tournament that cannot be topped let us be thankful and so quiz acceptably with reverence and awe, for our quizzing is a consuming passion.

Remember those in the semi-finals as if you were our fellow quizzer, and those in the finals as if you yourself were suffering. It still remains that some will enter the finals, and some of those who formerly have won tournaments cannot go in because they are too old. Therefore since the possibility of entering the finals still stands, let us be careful that none of us be found to have fallen short of it.

And what more shall we say? We do not have time to tell about Detroit, Idaho, Maine, Cedine, Pittsburg, Ohio, Shenango, and Berrien, who through studying, conquered teams, administered answers and gained olympic points. Who shut the mouths of captains, quenched the fury of contests, and escaped three nights of sleep!

But do not forget this one thing dear friend: with a quiz tournament, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day.

Sleep and calm nerves be yours in abundance through the relaxation of retirement and the joy of being twenty-one.

Your former teammates,
Iowa Obsolete and Aging

P.S. After the finals are over, let us leave the book of Hebrews and go on to Matthew, not laying again the foundations of John, or of Corinthians, Luke, Acts, Galatians, or Romans. And God permitting we will do so.

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